But then who would buy Epicor?

As ASUG's Thomas Wailgum rightly calls it, here's the 2014 version of this story...  "8 Reasons Why Microsoft Needs to Buy SAP Right Now."

That would be fun.  Then, to answer the question in the title, maybe Infor buys Epicor, then Oracle buys them both...

So it's a happy ending for all the private equity guys, and the MicroSAP/Epinforacle duopoly plods on, until the valiant open source ERP freedom fighters sneak up on them and turn their market upside down!

Quoth the raven: Epicor

Wow, that didn't take long.  The WSJ reports Apax Partners is putting Epicor on the block, hoping to find a sucker^H^H^H^H  buyer that will give them a 3x return on their investment in as many years.  Not a lot of detail yet, but here's one nugget that Graveyard readers will enjoy:

In 2012 and 2013, Epicor issued $340 million and $350 million of new debt respectively, to fund dividends to its private-equity owner

Again, wow.  They loaded up this already-unwieldly behemoth with MORE DEBT to pay themselves, TWICE.  And now, not halfway through the year, and only seven months after bringing in a quick-flip CEO, they're looking to unload it for good.

I'll start the bidding at one dollar.

p.s. - got a busy day today, but I know I've got at least one stanza of poetry in me that will pay off the title of this post.  Stay tuned...

UPDATE:  OK, here we go, from the perspective of an outside auditor:

Once upon a business dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a curious volume of financial bore — 
  Not completely understanding, in deeper debt ever landing, 
Why the owners keep demanding, dividends, fees, and ever more.
“’Tis some error,” I muttered, “standing the company increasing poor  —
  Only this and nothing more.”

“Profit!” said I, “thing forgotten!—profit still, if books are rotten—
Customers damned, or tempest tossed by greed and ill ashore,
  Business plans of all acquiring, in deeper debt ever miring,
Execs and bankers rarely firing—tell me truly, I implore—
Who is—who is this foul firm?—tell me—tell me, I implore!”
  Quoth the Raven “Epicor.”